A Little Lost on a Long Weekend

It’s a holiday weekend for us here in the United States, and I find myself with the Sunday blues, despite not having to goto work tomorrow. 

I’ve turned on a dozen different movies and TV shows, but I can’t find anything that appeals to me. Nothing seems to fit the criteria I’m looking for today: I want something that reflects my current mood. My mood isn’t depressed nor anxious, but bleh. I feel nothing, and nothing interests me. I feel like I should be working towards something such as a backlog of books, video games, or movies, but instead I want nothing. Even dumb mindless TV and sports are unfulfilling. 

I think what bothers me is that I feel like I’m wasting my extra time. I have all this time to catch up on things, and instead, I want to do nothing. But instead of enjoying the peace and quiet, I feel like I’m failing at something. What? I’m not sure, I really have nothing to do. 

I think I put a lot of pressure on myself to stay caught up, or to reinvent myself from time-to-time, and right now today is a day where I don’t feel like doing either and so some deep internal message starts that I’m missing out and I’ll regret this tomorrow, when my free time is truly running out.

Maybe this is my mind telling me to just sit quietly with my own thoughts. Maybe I’ve had too much of a distraction the last few days. Hopefully writing this out is the first step into moving forward and accepting my current mood and interest level.