SC is tired

Supercargo has been feeling less super and more like merely cargo of late - a cargo still of some value, I still hope, but with an ever increasing feeling of needing to stop, sit and be a little passive, like a container. With little (but at least not no) progress being made, but pressure (and intent) to get things done, on many fronts at work, I'm kind of frazzled. My recent presentation to the global mechanical design team was a draining undertaking add-on to of all that: from writing and editing it; planning, recording and editing the video demos, discussing the narrative, the refinement, rehearsal and, finally, actually giving the presentation itself - to then having to remain alert for the Q&A session afterwards, it felt like a true overload, after a pretty full-on year up to then. I suppose this is my Exhausted-YouTuber video, in text form (though it's only my fifth post here!)

What's so super about cargo?

Starting this post by playfully splitting the Supercargo name leads me to thinking about it a little more. The super prefix here isn't in the same "Superman" vein in which I used it above. Instead it connotes - to me - someone in a position of oversight, over things or other people - a supervisor, say. Etymologically, super simply means "above", in a positional sense, though of course it is now a more freighted term. (more of the same thing would be "hyper", I think.) So supercargo refers to someone looking over (or taking responsibility for) a cargo.

The term is no longer used, but (to my understanding from where I read it in Antony Wild's book about the coffee trade, Black Gold) it is a name associated with trade and, since it's of that time, particularly with the British East India Company. An EIC ship's hold could be full of sacks of coffee, spices, or, also likely, slaves. So, whilst I still find Supercargo kind of cool, it can also be unsettling, if you think of the historical context. But to those supercargoes of the day, a cargo was a cargo was a cargo, with more or less maintenance to undertake. At the destination, the goods would be audited and approved for purchase by the factors (basically accountants working in offices known as factories), then the ship would take on more cargo for the next leg of the journey, for the supercargo once more to attend to.

Supercargoes were merely a small link in the chain of commerce and command: powerful and responsible in their domain, there were no doubt those who would (over-) exercise the power of the small man, lording it over others in their charge, and  fiercely defending their realm against those who would dare encroach; yet also (to my knowledge, anyway) not officers of the ship, and closer to the crew or the dock workers loading sacks into the hold than to the top of Company leadership.

That's where I see myself, in my largely digital world - not an officer or executive, but a significant cog in ensuring that the data freight the company carries and transfers can be used efficiently and effectively. I feel confident that the company I work for operates ethically, in the fairly non-dubious market of industrial sensors. And I hope that, tired though I am, I'm not turning into the boarhound of my domain, so I don't necessarily see myself on the evil side of the job spectrum - but, equally, I have my blindspots towards other injustices and inequalities, just doing my job.

Zoned out

The other morning, I sat with our younger daughter as we ate our respective overnight oats for breakfast. After a little while, I suddenly realised that I had only vaguely noticed her or the the flavours in my mouth, and had more been stewing over work, tasks to do, critiques to counter or to take to heart... when I suddenly came back to myself, apologised to my daughter, who said "you were like this:", and proceeded to do a great impression of me sitting hunched, staring blankly into the distance, spooning muesli into my (her) mouth. We laughed, and I vowed silently to be more present when others - my family especially - are also present.

Reflection rather than stewing

A breakfast stew doesn't sound that appetising, and neither is stewing over problems a palatable way of solving them. The aim should be to reflect: learning from and actively sifting through problems, but also through experiences, things done, appreciating colleagues or setting out strategies to deal with the less cooperative ones. Listing out things to do (I'm not going to delve into "productivity" methods here!) and seeing if they're still relevant or urgent the next time you encounter the list. 

The word reflection connotes something meditative or even formative, something that can change you (or your resolve). I don't think it needs to be so deep all the time, but actively saying to one's self "I'm going to take the time to think this over, or through" is a valuable activity (as long as the truly useful activities don't lose out in the process!) The "stew" is a passive process - reflection should be active, and requires energy to do.

Advent and recuperation

Now the Christmas holidays are upon us: time to relax and recharge for the next charge. The good thing about working in a German company is that I have to wind down my overtime before the end of the year, take a couple of extra days off that I didn't think I could afford but now am at peace with: time to work fewer hours and accept that I simply won't be able to complete everything I felt we could have earlier in the year... and nothing bad will happen because of it.

I know that we have made progress, that there is a lot to sort out in the coming year(s), and that there is a lot to reflect on. But, equally, I need to be able to switch off and reflect on other aspects of my life, not just our major PLM project, or the organisational changes, or the other aspects of my role that have received much too little attention over the past year.

In good company?

And so back to the idea of the Company, and employment in general. The company and our colleagues should accept the need for time to reflect and recharge, that we all need energy to work and, in this information economy, to think effectively. We need to be working to the best of our abilities, but not to allow ourselves to work to exhaustion - we have to find that balance. In addition to that, I would prefer it if everybody could avoid having (or wanting) to work in evil or evil-adjacent industries or companies; that nobody would want or have to work as lobbyists to "win" stupid games that nobody wants to play; and that nobody should have to work to a 996 model or anything like that, continuously, just to keep their job. Hopefully all of those who do find themselves in such roles will also find the time and energy to reflect - perhaps then to make a change for the better. And to those of us who can and should be at peace with our jobs, I wish also time to reflect on what makes a good life, and to focus on good company, rather than just The Company.