I realized that my attention span has been fried since the start of the year, then taking a significant nosedive during my 18-day USA road trip with Dad. I found it hard to concentrate on anything for long, except for watching series and scrolling through social media and Reddit.

So, I decided it was time to retrain myself to focus and improve my attention span.

I began by writing Morning Pages every day for 10 minutes after returning from the road trip. I simply jot down whatever is on my mind. It’s a simple practice, but it helps me slow down and remember what it feels like to stick with my own thoughts without reaching for my phone.

The first few days of trying to sit still and stay with my thoughts for 10 minutes were challenging. I struggled to write much without the urge to open browsers on my laptop, which I had been using to type these reflections each morning.

I decided to switch to using my e-ink tablet, the Boox Go 10.3 instead. Initially, setting up a convenient setup was a bit of a hassle, as I had primarily used the device for reading and note-taking. However, once I settled on the UpNote app (which runs much faster than Obsidian on this device) and a cheap Bluetooth keyboard (since my usual mechanical keyboard causes key issues when paired with this one), the process became more calming than opening my MacBook Air.

Each morning, after my mobility routine, I set up my Boox Go 10.3 with its stand and keyboard, launch UpNote to create a new note, and set a physical timer for 10 minutes. This routine helps me focus on my thoughts with minimal distractions. Less overhead, more time to think.

Staying with my thoughts for 10 minutes remains challenging, but I’m beginning to settle into the routine. Or rather, I’m reacquainting myself with my self.

…

To take it a step further, this past week I set myself a bigger challenge: reading for at least an hour every day. I must admit, it was very tough! Around the half-hour mark, I usually start fidgeting, feeling my mind drift away. I suddenly "need" to do anything but read. That urge is real and honestly distracting, but it’s also exactly what I’m trying to overcome to regain the focused mind I once had.

I’m also trying to control my screen usage, specifically on my iPhone and iPad, and be more intentional—again, for what feels like the hundredth time (LMAO). That goal is still a bit messy. I haven’t improved as much as I’d like, but I’m getting there. I’ve realized, however, that I’m not addicted to specific apps but rather to the overstimulation of visual sensory input. Listening to audiobooks, then, has become a great alternative for filling my leisure time without fixating my eyes on screens.

Another habit I’m trying to revive is writing blog posts. I haven’t written movie reviews or any type of post in months, and the truth is simple: I haven’t been able to concentrate long enough to do it. Writing requires more than just having ideas; it demands staying with those ideas long enough to shape them into something coherent and readable. My hope is that by the end of next month or so, I’ll be more consistent and able to write blog posts regularly again. I also aim to finish my write-up on “My Own Oscars Awards” for this year.

There’s so much I want to achieve, and I know I can do it, but not if my attention keeps drifting like this.

…

In a world filled with personalised, algorithm-driven distractions, I need to focus now more than ever. I need the ability to think deeply and reflect, rather than letting everything pass me by mindlessly. It’s tough, but it’s necessary.

This is my mission—to improve my attention span and reclaim my own mind. And these are my ways of getting back on track and improving.

Slowly, I’m trying to reduce mindless checking because I need space to think. I need time to simply sit, ponder, and not constantly consume.

Despite the struggle, I can tell I’m getting more used to doing one thing at a time. I’m starting to rebuild that focus muscle, even if it’s still shaky. The goal isn’t perfection; it’s to keep showing up and fully committing to one task, even on days when my mind feels like a browser with 30 tabs open.

For now, I’m keeping my immediate mission clear: read daily, write my thoughts daily, and rebuild my ability to focus. Editing and publishing may feel overwhelming  for me at the moment, and that’s okay. I’m still fidgeting even as I write this, but I’m getting through it. And I know I can get through many more hours as this. 

So this is part of my journey back to my focused self.

This is me acknowledging it, working on it, and striving to get better—one focused hour at a time.

It's a new year, yet I remain the same old me.

You can't shed your identity simply because the calendar year changes. These arbitrary numbers have no real connection to your life.

What truly impacts your life? Your choices and actions.

So, regardless of the year, I'd remain the same miserable person unless I choose to change my actions.

That's why I've stopped focusing on New Year's resolutions and started embracing New Year's assessments.

Rather than setting goals and hoping the New Year hype will carry me toward them, I'm reflecting on the actions I should leave behind and considering how to adopt new ones throughout the year.

What do I need to change, and how can I make those changes?

First, I need to let go of my dopamine-driven yet unrewarding activities. This year, I'm focusing on lowering my dopamine threshold and relearning how to find contentment simply by observing my surroundings.

Second, I need to abandon my disorganized routines. While I understand that I can't control every detail of my day, I can at least choose how to spend my personal time. I plan to create "action pools"—lists of at least five activities to choose from at any given moment. I'll select the one that resonates with me at the time and follow the corresponding routine.

Finally, I need to set aside my carefree approach to finances and start focusing seriously on saving and generating income.

 I'm sure I'll still be mostly the same me by the end of the year, but hopefully with more subtance as a person and more meaningful changes in my life. 

When I wake up, one of my favorite things to do is open the blinds that completely block out the light and watch the breeze gently caress the trees outside my window, fully embracing the new day’s light. 

I also have a little ritual: each time I gaze outside, I search for a squirrel. I used to spot one or two quite easily, as if they were waiting for me to discover them. They would leap from tree to tree, as if urging me to join in their play..

Nowadays, I can’t find any squirrels anymore, and I feel like a youthful part of my day is also gone. 

...

Yet, I never stop looking for them.

...

It’s raining hard right now. The rainy season is always tough for me. I often have sleepless nights because of the sound of the rain. It’s difficult to relax and fall into a deep sleep when the rain forcefully crashes against the roof.

However, I often have many sleepless nights even when it isn’t raining. Instead of the sound of rain, it’s the noise of my restless mind screaming what I should be thinking, rather than allowing me to shut it off and fall asleep.

Sometimes, the thoughts my mind keeps saying are helpful, sparking creativity and productivity. But often, they just churn over the same things endlessly, like an unwelcome chant that desperately demands I remember every word and every feeling attached to it.

With rain, I know I have no control—I can only wait it out or try to block out the sound. But with my own mind, I feel like I should be able to control it, yet somehow, I just can’t.

My restless mind can go on for hours unless I do something about it. So, I invented stories to calm my mind. Sometimes, I focus on my breathing. But more often than not, I simply let my thoughts run their course, surrendering to their relentless. 

I just let my mind go off the rails until it crashes and burns, then soothe myself with the afterthought ashes. It’s certainly not a healthy way to fall asleep, but it is what it is.

In the morning, however, I like the sound of rain. What sometimes makes me restless can become something I welcome at other times. Strange, isn’t it?

The natural, steady rhythm of rain makes me feel grounded and surprisingly calm. The anticipation of it stopping gives me something to look forward to. And the fresh smell afterward makes me feel refreshed, grateful, and alive.

It’s the same, but not quite so, with my restless mind. I love thinking during the day. I enjoy the hum and rhythm of my thoughts. They become melodies that play continuously throughout the day.

I let them hit all the high and low notes as they wish, embracing whatever they urge me to hear. I love them so much that I crave more and feel uneasy during the long silences when nothing emerges.

The anticipation of great ideas raining down on me makes me feel even more restless than the urge to quiet my mind when I try to sleep.

I keep waiting and hoping my thoughts never stop flowing, because the afterthought is never as great as the active train of thought. That’s when I feel most human—while thinking.

It’s strange and fascinating how I pray for my mind to stop at night, yet pray for it never to stop during the day.

Perhaps, this is why people say there’s a time and place for everything, and why being in the right place at the right time, with the right mindset, feels so precious.

We now, unfortunately, live in a world that promotes fast and raw information instead of purposeful and polished wisdom. We continue to feed the flow of algorithm-driven information (using the term “communication” feels too generous these days), without reflecting on what messages we truly want to communicate.

I fear we are racing toward a finish line that might actually be a cliff, allowing our minds to age faster than necessary, while never deliberately strengthening our ability to think things through and transform knowledge into wisdom.

It is a race to the bottom, through and through.

To make matters worse, a lot of people now outsource all thinking processes to generative AI  (I would never call it Artificial Intelligence, so let's just pretend it’s the abbreviation of Artificial Information.) I do not entirely condemn using these tools—I admit I often use them myself for certain tasks—as long as you are the one holding the reins of the thinking process.

However, when you stop using your own mind to truly understand your thinking, you stop learning to understand yourself. When you stop understanding yourself, you cannot refine your thoughts and identities to shine, and that process of polishing is precisely when the sprouts of your wisdom begin to spread to the world.

Therefore, in my opinion, the problem is not generative AI itself, but how our societies have stopped promoting purposeful and thoughtful forms of communication.

People love to point out “AI slops,” but turn a blind eye when human-generated content is sloppy or even harmful, excusing it as being “real” or “true to yourself.” I hope, for the best for everyone in this world, that the definition of being real does not reduce into mere rawness of expression, without the polish of thoughtful reflection. The idea of expressing “your real self” as quickly and as frequently as possible pains me—and, I hope, pains you and future generations—deeply.

Speaking your mind, which once meant expressing well-considered thoughts aligned with your values, has now become shouting whatever crosses your mind in the name of being “honest” and “real.”

Editing and crafting your thoughts is now often seen as an outdated and ill-advice—unless it means filtering your identities to fit algorithm-driven trends—while sharing the first draft has become the encouraged practice.

We sadly mistake honesty and authenticity for the spontaneous and superficial layers of ourselves.

...

To me, it feels like living in a primitive society that keep setting fires, quickly one after another, just because they look bright and shiny, without the skill to put them out or even utilize them for good uses.

Unintentionally and unconsciously, we are burning down the forest of wisdom just to see who can start the fire fastest and brightest.

The worst part is that we might be too late to stop these overwhelming flames. And even if that is not the case, we might not know how to bring people to solve these issues collectively.

This may sound pessimistic, but I only wish to live a good, healthy life, and not necessarily a long one. Because I'm not that eager to witness where the world ends up after we burn wisdom to the ground and lose the ability to grow new trees of insight ever again.

…

Or… perhaps those “AIs” will one day become better thinking machines than the whole humanity itself, mercifully letting us live amid the flames of our own making.

Who knows? The realest and most honest side of humanity might shine brightest, then.