This week's exercise from a handbook for new Stoics focuses on comforting ourselves by achieving equanimity through a shift in perspective regarding our own troubles.

At the core of this practice is the distinction between sympathy and empathy. The Stoics put forward the idea that we should lean more towards cultivating sympathy rather than empathy.

Empathy, sharing another person's feelings at an emotional level, often leads to overwhelming responses. Empathy is stronger towards known or visible people but weakens with anonymity. In contrast, sympathy, rooted in reason, acknowledges others’ struggles without getting lost in similar emotions. Sympathy involves caring for and feeling sorry for others’ grief or misfortune. We can sympathize with strangers or hurtful situations because we can relate to the distress they cause.

Epictetus notes that typically, we tend to self-empathize while we sympathize with others. Therefore, we must learn to step back from our instinctive emotional responses, understanding that difficult times are universal, not unique to us.

By cultivating sympathy, we remind ourselves that we are not alone in our hardships and that adversity is a shared aspect of the human experience. This shift in perspective fosters equanimity, enabling us to face life's challenges with resilience. 

The Exercise

This week’s exercise prompts you to write about a problem you encountered during the day or a worry you have for tomorrow. Alternatively, if the day was positive and you’re not concerned about tomorrow, reflect on past issues.

Express your feelings about the current issue and then offer yourself advice. Approach the issue from an outsider’s perspective by using second-person pronouns or your name to create a sense of distance that helps you contextualize your emotions.

This practice helps reduce the emotional pain of hurtful situations, allowing for a clearer perspective. It also fosters self-compassion over the magnifying internal turmoil, leading to a more balanced emotional state.

My Entries

I know it seems like nothing's changed and there's no progress being made, but you've put in the work, so I want you to trust the compound effect of your best effort. You are getting stronger whether you realize it or not.

You have tried all you can. You put hours of work into conceptualizing the logo. You know what kind of concept you and the vibe you are looking for. You know how to evoke emotions and feelings. You've done enough, and the results you've got are more than enough. Trust your judgment, trust your skills, and always trust that whatever happens next, you did your best.

This week’s exercise feels natural to me since I’ve been writing in the second person after learning about Stoicism and its practices four years ago. It’s a simple exercise that I’ve been doing regularly.

I can genuinely say that writing in the second person helps me take a broader view of the situation, remove your emotions, and objectively see it. This perspective provides a better understanding of the grand scheme of things.

It’s comforting to realize that your feelings and strong emotions will fade, but the situations and your perspectives will remain. This approach helps you gain more insights than merely working through your emotions.

I highly recommend this practice because I’ve been using it for years and it works.

This week, the exercise focuses on the concept of aversion, which can be seen as a type of desire, as in the desire to avoid misfortune. People have very different reactions to similar misfortunes, and the reason is that some people are better at redirecting the aversion away from things that they dislike but are not in our power, and transferring it to things that we can completely control. 

The true challenge is taking actions on something we can be guaranteed to achieve, instead of desiring something that is outside our control.

What is in your power, and what you then should desire, is putting forward the best possible case for the desired outcome based on your best effort to do your job well. If you do the best job you can at every moment, you've already succeeded… in your own right.

Even in situations where complete control is absent, you still possess the ability to influence the final outcome. There's always a pathway to enhancing your circumstances or increasing your chances of success. By focusing on what you can control, you're not only preparing for the unforeseen but also aligning your actions with the natural order, paving the way to potential success regardless of the outcome.

Ultimately, this week's exercise is about transforming aversion into something manageable—your thoughts and actions. It's about determining what proactive steps we can take to influence outcomes in our favor, before those aversions materialize. I find this concept truly admirable

The Exercise

The essence of this week’s exercise is to identify your aversions and then creating strategies to manage them effectively.

The process begins by making a shortlist of actions you can take to steer clear of these aversions. This isn't just about avoidance but finding constructive ways to cope and prepare when faced with them.

The next step involves practicing one action from your list each day. 

My Shortlist—Ways I Could Transfer Aversion from External Things Not in My Control to Things I Can Completely Control:

Visualize Myself: Prepare the night before the event by visualizing the situation.

Immediate Action: Think of one thing I can do right now regarding what is bothering me.

Worst-Case Scenario: Write down what's the worst that could happen, then come up with steps to address it.

Skill Inventory: List 5 skills I have that can improve my chance of success.

Improving Work Quality: Identify 4 actions I can take to enhance the quality of my work.

Outcomes Analysis: Consider 3 possible outcomes and the likelihood of each happening.

Personal Reward: Develop 2 ideas for rewarding myself if the worst doesn't happen.

Positive Affirmation: Create 1 affirmation or encouragement regarding the current situation.

Currently, my list of actions is quite short. However, I plan to revisit and update it periodically as I gain more insight into my aversions and the methods that work best for me. This ongoing refinement ensures that I'm equipped with effective tools to handle aversions as they arise.

I purchased A Handbook for New Stoics by Massimo Pigliucci about four years ago, alongside The Daily Stoic by Ryan Holiday.

For the past four years, I have read The Daily Stoic every morning. It has grounded me each day, allowing me to reflect on my life before diving into daily activities. However, I often find myself distracted and not living as intentionally as I had hoped after reading each passage. Still, it serves its purpose.

On the other hand, I haven’t engaged with A Handbook for New Stoics at all since buying it. This book demands more effort compared to The Daily Stoic, which offers a single page to ponder each day. With A Handbook for New Stoics, you need to complete weekly exercises that require daily reflection and commitment. Although I had good intentions when purchasing it, I sometimes feel overwhelmed—perhaps it's my tendency toward self-sabotage or simply laziness. Despite having bought it years ago, I’m only now considering diving in.

Recently, I watched a video discussing this book where he began writing a Stoic journal and practicing its principles. It inspired me: "Yes, I should do that too!" So this year, I'm finally committing to something I've planned for ages; it feels like the right moment. I genuinely hope this journey will help me become a better person or at least align me more closely with who I aspire to be.

After quickly skimming through the book, I believe it will be immensely beneficial. It promises to enhance my self-reflection and personal growth. Even though I haven't put its teachings into practice much yet, just reading it has been enlightening. I'm ready to try it out! I've picked up a new notebook specifically for this purpose and organized an index for the 52 exercises. Let’s see how it unfolds!

The 1st Week

The first week's exercise focuses on analyzing what is within our complete control and what is not. Many people become too hung up on things beyond their control, which often leads to losing perspective on self-control over our own lives. Therefore, it's essential to take time to reflect on what we can change and what we should accept as past events. This reflection allows us to concentrate better on areas for improvement in the future.

Currently, I don’t have much happening in my life, so my reflections this week may seem trivial. However, I plan to continue practicing this exercise in my mind whenever I find myself in frustrating situations moving forward.