I’ve realized that I never fully trust myself. It’s a feeling I’ve carried since childhood.

I often find myself uncertain and indecisive, thinking too much and doubting my choices even more. As a result, I tend to hold back and take very little action. I constantly worry that I’ll mess everything up if I make the wrong move, so I end up not moving at all.

Honestly, I feel like Chidi from The Good Place—always second-guessing myself!

Deep down, I know I can do better, and I genuinely want to improve. Yet, at the same time, there’s a part of me that wants to stay exactly the same to avoid tipping the balance of anything.

I understand all too well that every decision comes with consequences, and I fear that I won’t like where those choices lead me. It feels like I’m walking on thin ice all the time. What a frustrating and exhausting life!

I’m still working on convincing myself that life can be more like wandering through a beautiful garden, where I can explore freely and savor the wonders around me.

In this garden, I can take my time figuring out where I want to go. Mistakes? They’re not failures—they’re just different paths to explore! I can always choose another path if one doesn’t feel right. No matter where I am or which direction I take, I’ll be okay. I just have to trust myself and the world around me! 

Life isn’t one big mess; it’s a beautiful collection of experiences and challenges that we’ve navigated that shape who we are. 

Right now, though, I find myself tiptoeing between my comfort zone and the next step forward, feeling like I'm stuck in a loop.

I know change is necessary, and I truly want it.

Perhaps I can begin by writing and thinking out loud—maybe someone will remind me that it’s okay to trust myself now.

Or perhaps I can be that person for myself, recognizing that I have enough knowledge and skills to navigate life without worrying about every single decision I make.

It’s okay to trust my intuition and take a leap! Just do it!

What’s the worst that could happen?

Sure, I might stumble and fall, but what if I soar and fly, or…at least get to enjoy wandering around the beautiful garden of life?

Why do we enjoy eating so much? I think it’s because it’s one of the few pleasures derived from engaging our senses in a way that requires intention. It’s the sensory that needs to be sought after.

While we see, hear, smell, and touch things involuntarily throughout the day, tasting is an experience that demands our conscious effort.

We must actively choose to put something in our mouths to truly savor its flavor. This act of tasting gives us a sense of control over our pleasure.

When we engage with food intentionally, it becomes a personal experience. And when something feels personal, it carries meaning. And meaningful experiences are those we enjoy deeply, bringing us immense pleasure.

But let’s be honest—how many of us actually try to enjoy every bite? Most of the time, we take a taste and assume the rest will taste the same. So, we end up just going through the motions until our plates are empty.

I’ve decided to change that.

From now on, I want to be more intentional—not only about what I choose to eat but also about how I savor each bite.

By focusing on our senses, we can truly appreciate the moment. When we savor these moments, we come to cherish the lives we lead.

It is only those who can feel grateful for every moment they experience who can embrace life fully. And I intend to be that person, one bite at a time.

When I'm lost in the abyss of life’s complexities, is it possible to use my own words as a vehicle for insight and write my way out on my own? Or, even better, can I harness my thoughts through writing to illuminate my path toward wisdom?

How can one write to light up their whole world?

I believe that words possess a unique power; they cannot only convey ideas but also unravel the threads of understanding that are tangled inside our own minds. With the refinement of insights into tangible wisdom, one can transform life’s challenges into valuable lessons.

However, I wonder whether my lifelong curiosity has equipped me with enough knowledge to draw upon in difficult times?

Have I sharpened my ability to articulate thoughts to the point where they can serve as tools for my next actions, let alone as beacons navigating difficult times?

Do I possess enough grit to dig deep and polish insights into gold nuggets that I can utilize? Have I clarified my words enough to transform them into wisdom for life?

With each word I write, I want to believe that my experiences and reflections can be distilled into my own guiding principles—to find my way whenever I feel lost—and become the author of my life philosophy.

I also truly want to believe I'm halfway there, with the pen—and sometimes keyboard— as my compass, and it’s entirely up to me to write my way out of the darkness.

So I keep on writing.