On my mental health.

I have heard this a few times before, "I am not sure if my meds are doing anything until I stop taking them".  And I kind of agree with that sentiment, or statement, or idea, thing.

I have been taking antidepressants for years now and after a while, that's how I gauge whether they are working – or doing something – or not. I went a day without them and I felt horrible, it was miserable.

A few months ago, I got a new doctor, it's a family doctor so is not only my doctor but also my kids'. The first thing he did was to change my antidepressant medication. It is basically the same I was taking but a newer version, and half the dose. And for all intent and purposes, it's fine, I think, or thought.

One thing I noticed recently, it is my mental state when I go without it, it's the same. I have gone 3 days in a row without it and I feel no difference. I feel like I am in the same dull state of mind. And I am not sure what to make of it. Do I no longer need it? Do I need a different dose? I am clearly not entirely myself. The only thing that changes my mood for the better is right after a workout, which makes sense, it is the best dose of dopamine you can get. But because I am not entirely myself or "depressed" hence there is no motivation to go get a workout, also, the lack of sleep might play a factor as well. I can fake a lot but motivation is not one of them.

It is clear to me that perhaps I need to talk to my doctor, I feel like physically and mentally I am at the worst version of myself. This is the worst part of it all, knowing what needs to be done but not being motivated to do something about it.