I don't want to talk about myself
lifeI’ve never been a fan of talking about myself. Whether it’s for a job interview, a self-evaluation of sorts, or in therapy, there’s something about it that makes me feel awkward and uncomfortable. To me, the feeling of selling myself to appear some sort of impressive just doesn’t feel authentic, and just feels a bit brag-y (is that a word?)
I mean… let’s talk about job interviews. The amount of self-promotion I have to do during it exhausts me. Tell me about yourself is my absolute most dreaded question. How can I condense my entire professional life into an elevator pitch that makes me sound competent, confident, and the perfect candidate for the role?
I hate having to sell myself. It doesn’t feel like me. It feels like I’m trying to fit into a mold that wasn’t made for me. I know that it’s important to showcase my skills and experience, but it all feels performative than conversational. I wish I could just let my work speak for itself, show them that I can do it, but of course in the real world, that’s not really an option (or at least in my experience, it hasn’t been). And so, here I am forcing myself to talk about myself because I have no other choice.
On a kind of similar theme, once you do get the job, you also have no choice but to do some sort of self-evaluation (aka annual reviews) if you want to progress. Now I’m expected to reflect on and highlight my successes and failures (“areas of improvements”). How do I find the balance between humility and confidence? How can I talk about my accomplishments without seeming like I’m bragging? (Or is the point of all this to brag?) The inner critic (I am my own harshest critic) in me tends to downplay my achievements and magnify my shortcomings, making the whole process extra hard. And I acknowledge that this is something I have to work on. I just have to ignore all of that and learn to advocate for myself.
Then, there’s therapy. It should be easier because I don’t really have to impress and showcase my skills, but now I have to be honest and open. I have to dive into my thoughts and feeling, figure out my fears and insecurities. That also makes me slightly uncomfortable. Although I don’t have to sell myself, I now have to convince myself (and my therapist) that my struggles are valid and worth discussing. Here, my problem is articulating my thoughts and feelings that I sometimes don’t have words for.
As I experience all of this, I’m trying to find some kind of balance. It’s definitely a work in progress trying to figure out how to talk about myself, and in some ways I think blogging helps me work through all of that. It’s giving me the space I need to reflect, process my thoughts, and to express myself in ways that feel more natural and less pressured. Maybe through all of this, I’ll find other ways to be more comfortable talking about myself.
I mean after all, this post is kind of already doing that, right?
Side Note(s):
- This post is Day 23 of the WeblogPoMo2024 challenge.
- As you probably already know, this one was difficult to write because it required for me to actually, kind of talk about myself… so if you got this far, thank you for reading!
- The parenthesis sprinkled throughout this post are kind of like asides, things that pop into my head as I’m writing it. A conversation with myself of sorts. Sometimes I write the way I speak, and since this is more of a stream of consciousness post, some sentences could appear awkward.
- I’m going through some things in my personal life so even getting this written out has been an accomplishment, so go me!
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